Breaking: UFO Sighting in Upstate City
(October 1,2012) AMSTERDAM, NY — Local residents in this small upstate city expressed a range of emotions in response to a greyish elliptical-shaped object appearing in the sky for nearly hour at approximately 17:08 EST.
Holly Sansclue remarked on seeing the object from her kitchen window in the Town of Amsterdam, several miles from the city center: “I was just settling into dinner after a harrowing call with a Muslim terrorist trying to sell me aluminum siding when I saw it. At first, I thought that’s where the Muslims were calling me from until I realized the lettering on the UFO wasn’t Muslim. Thankfully it changed course and didn’t come into our town and stayed in the city. That’s where all the problems and the Muslims stay anyway.”
Meanwhile, a few customers at a local Stewart’s expressed outrage upon reading the lettering on the object as “DirectEBT”. A patron identified as Lipton Tetley spoke for the group, “There goes our county advertising EBT cards so those people can come here. We just heard from a reliable source that our county bought ad time during the Super Bowl for free EBT cards. I guess the billboards on the subways and highways of Manhattan just weren’t enough. ”
While others expressed fear and concern, a few middle-aged residents stood outside their cars in disbelief at their good fortune: “Man, this awesome! I was just listening to WROK and they were like ‘It’s Rocktober!’ and I was like , man, Rocktober rocks ‘cus you can’t rock any other month. I was trying to rock last month and my friends were like ‘Dude, it’s September, not Rocktember. Just wait ’til Rocktober’. And here we are with the Zeppelin! I like Zeppelin and all but to me real rock is the stuff they play on WROK — like “We Built This City” and Journey and Meatloaf. We were just listening to I would Do Anything for Love– that song rocks and we can relate ‘cus after a few beers and no chicks, we’re all like lookin’ at each other and we’re like ‘I love ya’ man, but I won’t do that bro”. That’s a powerful lyric, man. We’re gonna be rockin’ for the next 30 days then WROK just won’t be rockin’ come November even when they play “love Will Find You”. That’s an awesome video when they’re by the warehouse totally rockin’ heavy!. They don’t rock like that anymore.”
After careful investigation of the incident, the UFO appears to actually be a promotional blimp for DirecTV, a popular satellite TV service in Amsterdam, NY. While no DirecTV representative would comment on their promotion for this story, several people confidentially expressed disappointment and outrage that adult channels still were locked even with a blimp directly overhead.
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