Kids Ready for Excuses as School Starts

Amsterdam, NY (August 21 ,2013) — As kids across the city collected their back-to-school supplies, kids were eagerly anticipating another academic year of excuses and fingerpointing as they started their studies.

“I’m sure they’ll blame me for doing bad on the tests.”, said fifth-grader Britney,”My teacher says she has too many kids and too much material. And then we got some naughty kids always getting in trouble. I used to like school but now it sucks. Still, I’m sure the grownups will blame me for doing bad.” Britney then broke down in tears.

Kindergartner Kendra also seemed upset by the start of the school year, “Mommy got yelled at by our landlady. Mrs Landlady told Mommy I don’t need to go to Kindergarten ‘cus it costs Mrs Landlady taxes. Mommy said too many kids in my class and Mrs Landlady said not enough kids so they can save money. Then Mrs Landlady said a naughty word about Spanish people and slammed the door. Mommy called Mrs Landlady a bad name and then tears came out. I’m hiding the chalk and paper when I get to school so Mrs Landlady doesn’t pay taxes.”

The mood was no better for starting freshman, Brion, “The new tests were really tough. My little brother and sister did badly too. I try to help them but I’ve got my own work to do. I try to ask my parents to help but they’re either at work or posting cat pictures on Facebook or watching Khardashians. This year’s gonna be tough on the little guys. And me too because it’ll be my fault if we do badly.”

High school senior Lucas remained optimistic on the new year, “We’re all nervous about college and graduating but I think it’s all good. I know my parents get worried about tests and scores and electives . I see my dad sipping two fingers of scotch when test scores come out or it’s school board election time or my mom pouring herself extra with dinner but they stress too much. I mean, it’s not like our schools aren’t doing the very best they can for us. They wouldn’t let us down , we’re the future they keep telling us. They got our back, right?”

Local administrators and board members could not be reached for comment.

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