Blogger Creates Philosophical Firestorm

Amsterdam, NY (August 27, 2013) — The local community tried to return to its sense of normalcy and its normal rhythms following a harrowing challenge to its very essence and raison ‘d etre following a paradigm-shifting blog post from local blogger, Tim Becker.
In a direct rebuke to established philosophy and with a blistering assault on the prevailing epistemology within this small community, Mr. Becker put forth the radical proposition that a “Bridge to Nowhere” may indeed lead to “Somewhere” in his widely circulated post, aptly named, Here’s what I saw when I visited Poughkeepsie’s “Bridge to Nowhere”.
Challenging the established local orthodoxy that the endpoints of bridges lack a distinct reality and as such, lack any fixed beginning or end, or that such a beginning and end may be knowable,  Mr. Becker resorts to empirical approaches to build his argument — the beginning and ending points of bridges may be discerned and indeed, such bridges do exist outside the realm of epistemology of the city.
Mr. Becker’s post did not go unnoticed by the ideologues championing the epistemology centered on the Bridge to Nowhere, “Mr. Becker resorts to shoddy empiricism at best, personal observations at worst, in his post which should not cause any question or alarm to the prevailing status quo or philosophical framework of our community”, replied Martin Zirconis , a longtime resident. “What should cause concern is Mr. Becker’s blatant disregard for his family by venturing beyond what we know here and putting them at grave risk on a fool’s mission to behold where a bridge may end and where a bridge may begin. Or indeed, seeking what he deems to be truth on the nature of bridges from bridges that , if indeed they do exist, surely do not exist within the city. I very much doubt Poughkeepsie even exists, I have not seen it directly nor seen with any certainty that such a city manifests itself in this realm. ”
When Mr. Zirconis was asked where the existing bridges within the city lead, Mr. Zirconis responded ,”We cannot know. How can you know with certainty where a bridge may end and where a bridge may start? I know it is not Everywhere for if so, I would be standing upon a bridge and it is most certain I am not, as I detest bridges along with all the foolish metaphors for which they spawn. And while Bayesian thinking may imply that a bridge exists at least Somewhere , I reject that proposition as well, for if we may know a thing is somewhere, it suggests it may be found, and it is then clear that this pedestrian bridge might be found and it most certainly has not been found. Have you seen it as you gaze upon the river? Ha! Then it is clearly not Somewhere. And hence if it is not Everywhere and it is not Somewhere, it is more than clear that this new bridge, like our existing bridges, lead precisely Nowhere.”
Mr. Becker could not be reached in time for this story , although no attempt was ever made to do so.
 

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2 Responses

  1. Tim Becker says:

    Mr. Zirconis makes a strong argument for the non-existance of bridges, however I would counter by applying the principles of quantum mechanics to this problem. I believe it’s possible that bridges may exist in a undetermined quantum state, much like Schrodinger’s Cat, so it’s not until the bridge is actually observed that quantum waveforms collapse, allowing us to then say “aha…there is a bridge” or conversely, “there is a non-bridge.” Such was the purpose of my experimentation. I can prove that a bridge did exist at one point in time in Poughkeepsie, so that should logically disprove Zirconis’s assertion that no bridges exist everywhere. However, there are a number of practical considerations that should be further researched – for example, what is the probability of whether a bridge may exist for any given person at any given time and will this probability be high enough for the bridge (or non-bridge) to be effectively traversed (or non-traversed). Or if a bridge is in fact built, and a person such as Mr. Zirconis refuses to observe it (perhaps by shielding his eyes as he walks past it), does the bridge still exist for all persons? Or will we have a bridge and non-bridge at the same time? Such are the mysteries of the universe we must plumb.

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