Former Mayor Enters Mayor's Race in Amsterdam

Amsterdam, NY (December 9, 2014) — With less than one year to the mayoral election for the city, the race for the mayor is heating up with the announcement of a former mayor entering the race. Long-time mayor of Sombertown, Burgermeister Meisterburger, announced his candidacy today on the steps of City Hall surrounded by current and former officials.

Touting his no-nonsense, no-frills style of leadership, Burgermeister Meisterburger addressed how he would forcefully address the challenges facing the city , ” It’s a difficult responsibility, that you accept from the number one lawmaker, me. And let it known across the land from sea to sea.”

While some officials were a bit surprised by Meisterburger’s reference to “sea to sea”, local supporters interpreted the statement as an attack on the current mayor’s suppport for the pedestrian bridge. “I’m glad Burgermeister Meisterburger pointed out how ridiculous the pedestrian bridge that Mayor Thane supports really is. The bridge doesn’t go from sea to sea, in fact, it doesn’t go anywhere!”, explained 6th Ward Alderman Noel Nothere. “It’s about time someone pointed that out to voters.”

Burgermeister Meisterburger also made a direct appeal to local seniors by promising to protect them from taxes with a tough, socially conservative message meant to resonate with seniors on the issue of benefit programs targeted to anyone but seniors. Specifically, when asked of policies for the working poor and child nutrition, Meisterburger asserted, “I, take care of a baby? Outrageous! Take the little, er, baggage to the orphan asylum. That’s the proper place for foundlings anyway. Get that brat out of here!”.

Burgermeister Meisterburger sharpened his message to voters by referring to many of Mayor Thane’s policies on economic development, community development, the arts and beautification as wholly irrelevant to solving the key issues facing the city. Meisterburger dismissed these policies as mere “toys” in that they would not really fix the city. Meisterburger was adamant in his attack on these policy “toys”, “I hate toys! And toys hate me! Either they are going or I am going and I definitely am not going! Toys are hereby declared illegal, immoral, unlawful AND anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown in the dungeon. No kidding!” Meisterburger was no less kind in response to questions of actual toys such as basketball hoops or any object or activity generally geared to children and parents.

I sent a request for an interview to Burgermeister Meisterburger questioning what policies he would actually propose as solutions instead of just attacking the current mayor.

I received the following reply: “You? How dare you! You are obviously a nonconformist and a rebel! Arrest this man immediately! Arrest him!”

You may also like...