City Residents Eagerly Embrace Next Controversy

Amsterdam, NY (June 23, 2015) — With the completion of new pedestrian bridge drawing nearer and the roiling debate on its construction subsiding, city residents were increasingly concerned at the prospect of nothing against which to rail and gripe in the coming months and years.

But thanks to sixth ward Alderperson Lynn Bylyn, city residents now have something to consume their negativity and complaining — relocating the city’s train station to its downtown.

At the heart of the controversy lies the Amsterdam Amtrak station , voted by travelers as the most depressing station along the Northeast corridor. Located in a flood plain at the very western edge of the city and architected with the grace and charm of a tool shed, the station sits alone and disconnected from the rest of the city.

In an effort to rebuild and revive the morbid downtown area, city leaders are discussing the possibility of relocating the train station to build up the downtown core especially in light of the potential draw of visitors to the controversial pedestrian bridge. City leaders believe that improving access to rail will draw and encourage growth to the downtown area and impact the city positively.

Sensing a shift in momentum toward progress and revitalization, many city residents quickly jumped onboard the train station as the must-have controversy for their daily gnashing and wailing.

According to Alderwoman Lynn Bylyn her letter merely reflects the questions and concerns of the community. “Many people are afraid of what will happen if the train station gets moved, especially seniors. I’ve heard that the mayor skulks along the rails disguised with a black cape and a handlebar mustache. Will the mayor tie seniors to the tracks or even worse raise taxes? We don’t know. What about the bandidos who chase and rob trains on horseback?  How will we catch them with the new pedestrian bridge that all but assures a clean getaway? We need answers”

Similar concerns were voiced by local town resident Shirley Madd, “Well, people get upset with me because I don’t live in the city and always bash the city. Well, I’m against this bridge, I’m against this train station, I’m against tying seniors to railroad tracks;I’m against bandidos — they’re Spanish!  I’m thrilled that I can rail against the train station — my bridge shtick was getting worn. Now I can ride this issue for years and years to come. Thank god!”

Some longtime residents fondly recalled the former train station , its wonderful architecture long lost to the city’s lust for demolition and suburbanization. While some residents expressed hope that the train station might be rebuilt with some attention and care to its architecture, almost all felt exhausted at the prospect of fighting against the groundswell of negativity around yet another issue for no good reason.

Longtime resident Filippe Ino expressed it best, “Why spend time and energy fighting against people who put forth nothing but fight against everything?”

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