Upstate City Discovers Festivus Only Meant to Be Celebrated Annually

Amsterdam, NY (Dec 23, 2015) — Residents of the small upstate city of Amsterdam , located in the Mohawk Valley of New York , expressed surprise and no small amount of amusement upon learning that Festivus , with its attendant Airing of Grievances, is celebrated but once a year everywhere else.

As is local custom in Amsterdam, residents Air Grievances in no small measure daily, and for a large number of residents, incessantly.

Local resident Gary Vance expressed the prevailing grievances swirling about the city, “Well, it’s hard to explain to outsiders who have but one day to air grievances; I can’t imagine a day without airing some grievance. How is that possible? What kind of life is that if you are not actively voicing grievances to anyone and everyone? Thankfully, here we have a veritable plethora of grievances to air and by gosh, we have a wonderful local media dedicated to the airing of grievances. What would be considered the ravings of madmen, and mad women, confined to a coffee shop or a parlor elsewhere, is instead here broadcast to all, so we may all be awash in the grievances. Here, we don’t merely air grievances; here we seek to become one with grievances. We are Festivus.”

This publication is still processing local surveys on grievances conducted in the days prior to Festivus but given the more than 38,000 grievances collected, the survey results will be published at a later date.

Greetings for a wonderful Festivus.

 

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