Library Artwork Deemed Satanic

Amsterdam, NY (Jan 8, 2016) — Local residents continued to express outrage over the growing influence of Satanic influences in this small upstate city.

Amsterdam Free Library Door

Amsterdam Free Library Door

Local government officials and crews moved swiftly to eradicate Satanic references at one site only to find themselves facing another site desecreated by the evil works of the Prince of Darkness.

Satan himself took no small delight in the state of affairs in the city, “Once I saw that the Circle of Evil Summoning , or as you call it “The Labyrinth”, was to be removed, I saw my chance. For where else do evil thoughts and evil deeds originate if not from the written page? And behold, the library door! Artwork so exquisitely rendered of a child reading with another climbing to even more books. What greater tribute to evil, nee’ me, I could not imagine than the expression of art or fancy or mindfulness as depicted upon that door. You view it as a common door when it is indeed the portal to darkness and thoughts of what might be! Who needs a labyrinth when one has a portal to sway our innocent youth!”

Alarmed at the growing threat, local advocates plan to address the creeping danger posed by artistic expression and appreciation through a pre-emptive strategy focused on ridding the city of anything in the least bit creative or artistic. The replacement of the library door will be foremost on the agenda for an upcoming rally against the growing evil in the city.

Local resident Lynn Bylynn expressed the opposition to the door, “Why does the library need that on a door? How much did that cost? I bet I could buy a door at Home Depot for one-tenth of the price as that ridiculous door and artwork! What a waste and how terrifying for our seniors to have to face you-know-who when they drive by that place!”

To ward off evil at the rally, advocates plan to gather at their most sacred of sites , a parking lot. The specific time and place will be announced soon.

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