Welfare Benefits Extended to City’s Neediest — Golfers

Amsterdam, NY (Feb 23, 2016) — In an unusual move, County Manager of Welfare Services , Roger Parfour, has won approval for benefits to help the city’s downtrodden golfers struggling to cope with paying fair rates for golf. Like other welfare recipients, golfers will now receive a benefits card for use at the golf course.

Parfour developed the idea for the program after a recent outing at the course. “I was just devastated by what city golfers were going through when faced with paying competitive rates for golf. It was a gut wrenching experience for me and I decided that something needed to be done.”

While hesitant at first to accept the benefit, most golfers now view the benefit as justified. Long time golfer and local conservative pundit, Moore Foreme, justified the benefit to critics of the program, “Look, we have a constitutional right under the second amendment to bear arms and on the course, we arm ourselves with clubs. What if we encounter a bear , or worse, a liberal?”

When confronted with his mistaken interpretation of the second amendment, Mr. Foreme denounced the criticism as , “Just what Obama wants you to believe that you do not have the right to play golf at a less than fair rate. They’ll take my clubs from my cold, dead hands!”

Golfers wishing to enroll and to view the full benefits in the program can get more information by visiting www.colddeadhands4life.com.

Local taxpayers who are wondering how much of their taxpayer dollars will subsidize lower fees at the course can visit www.notprotectingtaxpayers-protectinggolfers.com

Local taxpaying seniors can visit www.i-thought-everything-was-about-protecting-me!.com

Correction: A previous version of the story incorrectly stated that the card entitled golfers to unlimited lobster and prime rib at local markets; apparently that is just a rumor and rarely if ever happens.

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