Breaking: Spring Fling Event Readies for Protest

(FP) May 18, 2012 (Amsterdam, NY) While the weather promises warmth and sunlight, Spring Fling organizers prepared for a wave of protests organized by KLULESS4EVER — Keep Amsterdam Lifeless Forever.
The Spring Fling organizers hope to bring a myriad of vendors and music to what they hope will be an annual event to draw residents and visitors to a city hoping to reverse its fortunes. Organizers hope they can exceed the success of the 2011 Spring Fling with this year’s event.
But the success of the 2011 event did not sit well with a local group of concerned citizens and visitors. Eschewing social media for regular meetings at Stewart’s, the local group formed KLULESS4EVER to counter the excesses wrought by Spring Fling 2011.
Spokesperson Jess Mona Gative released the following statement:

KLULESS4EVER stands united against the Spring Fling 2012 event. We are prepared to protest the event and boycott any sponsors of this event. Let me share with you some of the horrible and terrifying experiences of our members at least year’s event:
Megan Whiner who lives in the town of Amsterdam had to wait an extra seven minutes to cross over the bridge on her way to Wal-Mart. That’s seven minutes of her life she’ll never get back. Normally Megan likes to drive around the city for that seven minutes so she can file her daily report on local radio on the dismal state of the city and its residents, but, after waiting so long on that bridge, she just couldn’t do it that day. It’s heartbreaking not only for her but all the town folks who rely upon that fleeting moment of imagined superiority of the town to the city to bring relevance to their lives. It’s heartbreaking.
Connie Stinttax grew distressed that a Hispanic family paid for their food and other items with cash. When she reported this to one of the police officers, they did nothing to track down this dirty drug money even though she watched them for over an hour using cash at multiple booths. It’s outrageous. Connie also saw that DSS had a booth where they were handing out EBT cards and live lobsters but only if you spoke Spanish, or as we refer to them, illegal-alien-multi-generational-welfare-recipients. Connie will be marching with us this year and let’s all hope her meds keep her balanced and well away from those people.
Max Finance, our group’s economic advisor, will be tallying the costs of the event to local tax payers– flower by flower and discarded wrapper by wrapper. Mr. Finance’s background in economics is unsurpassed as he is the co-author of Excel Financials 2013 , a special Excel module that removes revenues and assets from any financial analysis. He is also a top-selling author of “Mastering Business in Amsterdam NY: Why Your Revenues Don’t Matter But Your Expenses Do”. We’re honored to have Mr Finance’s expertise in our group and he will present his findings , line-by-line and penny-by-penny, at a future date.
Finally, join us at our tent for special lecture series featuring esteemed local physician, Dr K D Ushebagger, for a multi-part series on how higher taxes unfairly impact local physicians and their elderly clients. Learn how Amsterdam’s most innovative doctors diagnose and treat seniors medical issues not through better medicine or doctoring but by diagnosing their attitudes toward city budgets and taxes. Dr Ushebagger shares how it’s not diabetes, dementia or other related diseases that lower seniors quality of lives but their year-to-year tax rate increase. Dr Ushebagger shares the tragic story of Mary McWilliams who, while wintering in Florida, received news of a rate increase at Muni which caused her great stress, shooting a bogey on an easy par Hole 12 at Palm Beach Country Club. Dr Ushebagger also lays out the case on why non-profits suck money from city tax payers and why city tax payers must fight against any non-profits in the city. Dr Ushebagger and his practice partners proudly serve on the boards of Saint Mary’s Hospital, Liberty Enterprises, United Way. His work with these and other charitable institutions makes him a stalwart of the community.

Spring Fling will take place on Saturday May 19th from 10AM to 6PM. You may find more information at and
If you cannot attend the rain dance organized by KLULESS4EVER in the hope of lowering turnout and marring a successful event, you may contact KLULESS4EVER by whispering “Lonesome Rhodes” to your local Stewart’s shop keeper. They will then advise you of their next meeting time and place.

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2 Responses

  1. Anyone who favors events aimed at getting people downtown clearly supports high taxes and “those” people.

  1. August 19, 2013

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