Common Council Member Proposes Revoking Permit for Homecoming Parade
Concerned with the impact on the local economy and seniors, 6th Ward Alderman Noah Funforyu will be proposing a resolution to rescind the permit for the popular homecoming parade scheduled for this Saturday.
Noah Funforyu explained the intent of the resolution as, “We have some very concerned taxpayers and drivers with the closing down of several streets and the cost of police for public safety at the event. We simply can’t afford to pay police for such a frivolous event. Heavens, is Spring Fling not enough of a bother and distraction? And our taxpayers certainly can’t afford to drive, two, three, maybe even four blocks out of their way once the parade route gets blocked. Sure, gas prices are down but it’s a terrible economic toll on our drivers. And when did this turn into a whole day affair with a parade and events from 9AM to 4PM? That’s an outrage. I don’t care that people enjoy the event or the folks who talk about community building and community get togethers. This city doesn’t need kumbaya, it needs lower taxes.”
Local resident Lola Toogrinchus voiced support for the alderman’s plan given the parade and attendant marching band. “There’s one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! And they’ll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing ’round on their wheels. They’ll dance with jingtinglers tied onto their heels. They’ll blow their floofloovers. They’ll bang their tartookas. They’ll blow their whohoopers. They’ll bang their gardookas!”
The resolution will be discussed at a special meeting of the Council Thursday 11:30PM to be held at the former Best Western hotel given its ample parking and lack of gardookas.